#Human Emotions – DEMON-HUMAN-ANGEL

As an evolved person, you will consider yourself unique and special, the same as everyone around you. You have definite purposes in life and you don’t feel the need to compare yourself with others. You will never do any nasty things and disguise it as “ego”. You won’t compete with anyone, as you are aware that only you can do the things intended for you.

If you want to evolve yourself without much struggle, there are only two ways, as shared by many spiritually enlightened gurus: either you have enormous intelligence or you have enormous trust. What may be the easiest way? what may be hindering us from having enormous trust or enormous intelligence.

To evolve with enormous intelligence, we should be open and willing to learn and unlearn continuously from all the experiences and situations, the universe will be putting us into, in order to facilitate the process. To evolve with enormous trust, we should be able to keep aside skeptical mind and start blindly trusting the universe-the messages, the presence and even the blessings and keep on doing things as per our intuition. Though it seems easy to do, both options are challenging to follow initially. But once you learn to do it, both the options become very easy too.

There are many around us who are spiritually talented and evolved to a higher extend from many lives of learning, but unaware of it during their current life. Every learning they have is stuck inside them because for some reason they remain too skeptical in this life to realize their gifts. They just need to take that one step of blind trust and magic will happen 😊 .

So don’t bother whether you are evolving with intelligence or trust. As long as you are evolving nothing else matters and strive only for that 😊

Let me continue with the story of Samantha. Read Human Talk #2 for continuity

As you all may remember, Samantha & I had a very special relation. After reading the first part, many had asked me why did I leave her and moved away to another city, if she was so special. Actually, I don’t have an exact answer to it. I was still hung in a relation from 3 years ago, not willing to let it go. For me, Samantha was the person who was keeping me sane and alive during that phase and as per her, I was the same for her. But I believe either I took her for granted or never realized her value then. I was very excited when I received a good job offer from another city, where my ex-lover was also settled. I was still under the blind idiotic belief of revamping that relation even after no contact with her for the last three years. when i told Samantha about the offer, she immediately told me that I should go, since she knew how much I wanted to go and meet my ex. And that is how I shifted.

She used to travel to my city in between for her official works and we used to have good times as earlier. Meanwhile, incidents happened in my life which busted the bubbles of blind love inside my mind and brought me into reality. Similar to the pattern followed by majority love failure guys, I was living with a pseudo hatred for all women and strong disbelief towards the system called marriage😊 . Then our final meeting happened.

I was fed up with my life in the city and was planning to return to my native place. Informed Samantha about it and she told that she wanted to meet me before I shifted and the next day itself she flew in. Next two days we really had a blast: got drunk, danced around and laughed our hearts out. She had her return flight the next morning and the final night, she was drunk than normal. She was lying down in my lap and was still cracking jokes over some old stories. During the hysterical laughs, she asked very casually “ Hey, Idiot…I am just too bored with this lonely life. It is too depressing. I want to make you depressed too. So let’s get married “.She was still laughing after saying this, but I was taken aback and got very confused. Seeing me shocked she asked again laughing “ Why man, you won’t marry me then “.I got very serious all of a sudden and made big statements like “ I don’t trust women any more. You are the only woman I like now, coz I don’t think about your gender when we are together. I will never get married …”.She suddenly got up, hugged me and told me “ Hey, stupid..don’t you know me? I was just pulling your leg. Relax !! “. To be frank, I was so relieved then. We kissed, hugged and slept as we always used to do.

Morning even though I wanted to drop her, she insisted on taking a cab. Before she started, she hugged me and told” You know, you are a very special person. You will realise your value and start treating yourself properly one day “.She gave me a tight hug, kissed me on my cheeks and forehead and left. I had a very heavy heart after she left, but was very relaxed after I received her normal jovial funny audio message saying that she has boarded the flight. And that was the last time I met her and heard her voice.

There was no message from her for the next few days and I couldn’t get her on calls, but then it was normal for her. She used to call or message out of the blue since her work involved a lot of travel to remote locations with restricted network access. After a month I got a call which sent shivers down my spine even now after 12 years with its mere thoughts. It was a common friend asking me whether I was aware that Samantha had committed suicide 3 weeks ago, almost a week after we last met !!

I was shocked, devasted and grief-struck. I called many of our common contacts. Nobody was aware of what had happened. I travelled to Punjab with an address which she had once shared. She was not interested in discussing anything about her family, so I didn’t know anything about them. Somehow I traced her family, met her relatives and learned the shocking fact that she had acute depression since childhood due to losing both her parents in an accident. She grew up under the effect of a lot of psychotic drugs and had trust issues and never was close to anyone. I realized painfully that I was the only one she trusted ☹ and maybe she wanted to try leading a normal life with me. But unfortunately, she masked all those perfectly away from me and never showed any signs of it. I still consider it as my biggest failure and pain in my life till now, that maybe I was responsible to let her die !!

A lot of questions about her disturbed me since then for a long time. Some of them are still left unanswered. Leaving a few questions for everyone to ponder:

How could someone after being so close, mask their worst and painful emotions?

Why somebody has to suffer until their death, even when they are immensely talented compared to the majority around them?

Since this experience prompted me to go into a process of self-awareness, was Samantha meant to be in my life to trigger my evolution?

What may have hindered Samantha from evolving?

Each one of us is unique and special in our own way with a particular set of weaknesses and strengths inside us. The combination of these character traits keeps on changing every moment, depending on the situation faced and our approach to it. Sometimes we get too scared of the situation, that we forget about our strengths and it is just the weakness part which will act.

How can you control these combinations, so that it will be always in your advantage? Or as a human, is it not possible to control it? When we are on top of a situation or winning over anything/anyone, we feel that we are on top of the world then. Do we feel like a human then or as we are some superior being?

Let me share the story of Adhira, a girl whom I knew since her childhood. As a single kid, Adhira was close to her parents, highly energetic and always with a happy face whenever I saw her. When she was 10 years old, they relocated to another part of the country. I saw her next after 5 years and I couldn’t believe my eyes when I met her. She was with her mother and was shabbily dressed, her hair uncombed and dirty. She was not even bothered about the stink which was coming from the dress she was wearing. I was really shocked to see her like that and was almost in tears.

Her mother told that she started behaving like this since last one year. She started hating to go to school, stopped taking bath, her whole hygiene level went downhill and she lost interest in everything. They took her to many psychiatrists, who put her under all sort of anti-depressant and sleeping pills. But nothing changed, months passed and she was still the same. She stopped talking to her father and tried to stay away from her mother as much as possible. She never smiled or cried for a year, it was always a blank face. Her mother wanted to try getting her back to her childhood good memories and that’s why brought her to visit us and the place.

I felt there was something inside her, which she was hiding vehemently from everyone, including her parents. I tried talking to her and make her cheer up. But she was just unresponsive to everything. I thought, maybe if there is some privacy, she may share things with me since I was like an elder sibling to her. So, we went inside my room and kept it closed. Again, next half an hour, I tried everything I could do to open her up, but alas…she was just too uptight!!

And then it happened…. My driver was just standing outside the window and he was talking to his family over mobile. The speaker was on and the sound was very loud. I moved towards the window and was going to call him to lower the voice, but then I heard his 5-year-old daughter’s voice speaking childishly to him. It was so sweet and innocent that a smile came to my face and I just didn’t want to stop the call. Then I heard a very loud cry and when I turned to that side, Adhira was crying loud and hysterically ran to her and hugged her. She cried and cried for almost half an hour and then she told the incident in between her tears.

She was very close to both her parents. Her mother being a scientist, had to travel in between for conferences. Her father used to take care of her things very well during her mother’s absence and she was very proud of it. And one such night, when she was half asleep, her father came to her room. She could smell an unusual stench of cigarettes and alcohol from him and then HE MOLESTED HER.HIS OWN DAUGHTER…she tried to scream and scream, but even a feeble sound didn’t come out of her. And he went out as if nothing happened

Next morning her mother came. She could not face her. She couldn’t face anyone. And then what became of her in next one year was right Infront of me.

I called her mother inside and told her what happened. To my surprise, she silently listened till the end, without any reactions. Then she stood up and asked me “Can you Pls take care of Adhira for a day. I will return in a day “. I said Yes, and without even looking at her, she went away.

She did return in a day and then the first thing she did was to hug Adhira and both of them cried a lot. She told why she left last day “I wanted to make myself worthy of hugging my daughter “.She went to her apartment, filed a police complaint against her husband, filed a divorce petition and even threw away all his belongings from the apartment which was in her name and got a restraint order against him before she returned.

Adhira got better after that day. Her mother stayed strong with her and together they fought their way out 😊

Adhira’s story had a happy ending. Not everyone is lucky to have that. Next time will share the story of Samantha, which will definitely put you all in tears (if Adhira has not done it yet)

Few questions till then to think:

If Adhira, was so close to her mother, why did she not share her horrific experience to her, the next day itself?

Why did she become like how she was – dirty & shabby?

Even when psychiatrists couldn’t help her then finally how did she open up?